I want to start by saying I am sorry. Before we get too ahead of ourselves on this journey of healing. I want to take the time out to apologize.
Me to me, I want you to know that I am sorry. I am sorry for the extreme roller coaster of emotions. I am sorry for being physically vulnerable but not mentally vulnerable. I am sorry for not trusting your instinct but trusting it only enough to keep you in my pocket and go along for the ride. I am sorry I didn’t pay attention to all the red flags even though they smacked me in the face. I am genuinely sorry for not putting me first. I am incredibly sorry for many years of not knowing my self-worth. I am sorry that I am scared to voice my feelings. I am sorry that I let people use me and take advantage of me. I am sorry that I cared so much about what other people think/thought of me. I am sorry that I did not grow a pair sooner. I am sorry that I neglected you in ways that would be days without eating and just sleeping. I am sorry that it took me this long to realize all that I have done to myself. I am sorry that it took a random person to make you realize that you are the most important to you. I am sorry that I did not write this sooner. I am sorry that I had to write this at all. I am sorry I didn’t love me enough. I am so sorry. I love you, and I will try my hardest to make sure you are the most important to you. That you take care of yourself and do better, remember I love you.
The meaning of this letter is apart of healing and apart of closure. For as long as I can remember, I always had a hard time realizing my self-worth. I had a hard time finding validation in myself to know that I mattered, that I am important. I have let people take advantage of me, use me. I refuse to now and going forward. I am no longer afraid to tell someone no. I am no longer going to feel guilty for saying no. I will no longer hang on to people when I know it is time for them to go. I can no longer live by waiting for hand and foot for someone’s acceptance. I will no longer look for someone to validate me. I love me for me, and I don’t give a fuck about other people’s opinions and or thoughts about me. I refuse to let people get the best of me, especially when they don’t deserve me at all, period.
Remember to apologize to yourself, then love yourself to the fullest.
Tiayra aka, Fucktional Introvert